Friday, September 01, 2006

A hospital adventure

Well .. today was an interesting day to say the least. I just got back from the hospital still in a bit of pain but it's good to know that I will at least get this shit "worked out".

The pain in my lower abdomen has been slowly getting worse over the last few days, I originally thought I may have been constipated but I was taking dumps as normal. (or so I thought)
While I was at work today Ahmad & Megan gave me the guilt trip that I should go to the doctor. I didn't really want to because we are so short staffed as it is, I didn't think it was fair to them. But the pain was bothering me so much. I had to do something. So I went to my family doctor.

She asked me all the basic questions that doctors do, and then. "When was your last bowel movement?", she said.
"This Morning"
(editors note .. man! .. that was suspenseful!! I should be a fucking writer!)
And that was the end of that. She took a urine sample. And then when she came back with the results, decided to set me up with an ultrasound ASAP (prob. not until next week) and simply said that if the pain worsens before then then go to the hospital. (Did I mention I am really starting to hate my doctor?)

So I went back to work to try to continue my day. But the pain was so unbearable. I couldn't sit comfortably, or stand and I was starting to get really tired. So I made sure that it was OK with my workmates and went home to try to lie down. I got a little bit of rest, but when you got two kids that are excited to see you at home, the true rest failed. But I did seem to feel a bit better. It would come in waves. Leanne was concerned and talked me into going to the hospital.

Mommy came over and took me to the hospital as Leanne stayed home with the kids. I brought my cribbage board for the waiting room to make the time go faster. She kicked my ass. Actually she skunked me. But we won't bother talking about that.

When they came to take me into one of the rooms, my mother had to wait in the waiting room. Why? Because they didn't take me into a normal room, all the regular rooms were filled They took me into a small little office that had a bed with the curtain right against it and the bed right against the one wall. I sat in there while there was another person trying to do her work on the computer. I felt sorry for her .. but I tried to humor her by saying "Are you sure your working? because with all that mouse clicking sound like your playin Solitaire!" Silence. Humor didn't work for her. Oddly enough though .. the mouse clicking stopped and I heard more keyboard typing.

The doctor came in and checked my ass. He said, "How was that?".
I said, "Well I hope you don't need a second opinion".
He started laughing hard. Now, this doctor I like. The thought of his finger in my ass didn't seem to bother me as much after that.

He took some blood, and then pee. Gave me a shot of something to help the with the pain. And then they took x-rays. After getting the results back. He says "I got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you don't seem to have a kidney stone problem. The bad new is..", he shows me the x-ray. "you see all of this?" As he points his fingers and follows it through this endless collection of crap. "This will need to come out." He looks towards the nurse that was there with him and says, "Give him a '2-4-6-8'" He then looks at me and says "Trust me, you don't want to know what that means"
"Something tells me that I am going to find out"
"yes you will" With a smile on his face"

They move me over to an actual room this time that was actually close to a bathroom. The nurse proceeds to make me lie down on my left side as she inserts this long tube into my butt. At the end of it was a bag of all liquid. I was hoping just for a pill to stick up there to soften my stool, but I wasn't that lucky. As the liquid continued to fill my rectum, the nurse was saying, "OK, now you are going to need to hold it in for about 10-15 minutes"
"Are you serious? .. I will be lucky to hold it in for one"
"Well it will work better if you can"
The bag emptied and it felt like my butt was going to explode. She pulls out the tube and a get right up and start my way to the bathroom. The nurse exclaims.." You will want to try to hold it in!!..".
"yeah yeah!! I know I know"
I get into the bathroom and slam the door. And I tried my best. Honestly I did. But as I swing my hospital robe up I could feel the pressure building unbearably as I hover over the toilet. You know when you fill a water balloon to the max with water. Where does the water want to go right?
WWWWWHWHHHHHHOOOOOOSSHSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! PFFFFPPPPTTTTPPPPFFFFPPTPTTTT FFFPPPTTTTTTTT!
As I felt like I flooded the toilet. You could tell the majority of it was all the enema liquid. But it did get some of it and my groin was making some of the most offensive noises that I ever heard. I really tried. I did. I was so disappointed in myself. It did make a difference but now I was starting to cramp like crazy

I gather myself together, come out of the bathroom, and as I go into room, I swing the curtain and I notice there was someone else in there, "Oh I am sorry" Walk out and notice all of my clothing sitting there on a bed in the middle of the hallway. So I sat on the bed and waited for the doctor to come in. Mom ended up coming in because she told the nurses that she wanted to see what was going on since she saw me walk from the x-ray room earlier. She hangs out with me and I tell her what happened. The doctor comes back and as I tell him that I don't think the enema took he told me to get the "Oral Fleet" stuff from the store and that should help me get rid of the rest of it.

Well I got home, and I am going to now leave you as I take a shot of this stuff and see how it works out. Hopefully all this shit will work itself out in the end.

Listened to:

No comments: